Live and Learn, Any Day Given

Are You Among The Greater Malaysians?

Are You Among The Greater Malaysians?

You see.. nowadays people around the world are setting their eyes on Malaysians you know. Ya laa… Malaysia got twin towers whaaattt. Got couple tower like that somewhere else meh? Haaa.. only Malaysia got only~

Okay. We know Malaysians are the greatest people in the world behind Americans, Japanese and Canadians (they got superb line of ministers weeyyhh..) But how in the actual harmonium to know you are among the great Malaysian? Read on. See where you got things in common or not.

Malaysians and time are not aligned nor paralleled 

One thing you must do to become a great Malaysian… is to disregard the punctuality. More like disobey la kot. Do come late to whatever function you supposed to attend. The Japanese will surely die out of frustration if they are to follow Malaysians kind of timing. Especially Malays’. Don’t be triggered la, abang, kakak. If not aa, then how come we got the saying “janji Melayu” one? And it’s not something nice pon. Hahahaha. For the Japanese, if let’s say meeting at 8, then 8 sharp they start. Aiyoh. So when do they arrive? They’ll be there before 8 liao, even milliseconds before the set time.

Malaysian, in comparison, MUST not come on time. If you want people to come at 8, tell them that the meeting starts at 7.30. or 7.20, if you don’t want to sound typical lah. People will show up at 8.05 to 8.15. Kira okay la tu since your hidden attention was to start at 8.30. Otherwise aaa.. if you want them to come before 8, then start the program at 8 ngam-ngam… you go jump off a bridge first, die first, reincarnate yourself and then repent for such stupid instructions you wished to be fulfilled by your fellow malaysians.

you did this too right? right? ececeyyy… hahaha . source

Malaysians buy blinkers/indicators separately

Malaysians are psychics. REALLY. Most of us. How?? You see… there’s a car in front of you, approaching a simpang or an exit or something – you surely extremely fantastically know that swear words will come out of your mouth. Just be ready to maki.  If you takmau maki pun, you are certainly putting your foot on the brake pedal already. Why? Malaysian drivers confirm know why. Go ask around. hahaha

Most Malaysians are kaya people. Rich. Wealthy bunch of brainless tards. but not all la. I’m talking bout the ones who bought kereta motorsikal basikal whatnot without buying the indicators along. Or some say blinkers. We call it signal. That’s why most of the time you can see drivers masuk simpang, take over, change lane etc with no indication of committing so. Tak bagi signal. Ultimately, it is because we are the great Malaysians; we can read minds. No need to tell others you wanna masuk kiri or kanan. People know. That means, those yang bagi signal are super kaya, because they could afford the indicators which normally cannot be found in cars in Malaysia. Which also means they’re not great Malaysian la of course. Great Malaysians read the next action by heart!


We here , we don’t like being so straightforward. Wanna masuk simpang, tukar lane, must bagi signal meh? pffttt.. tadika stuff. Go check their lesen memandu. Competent or not. Still L. or P, is it? ekeke


Pickup line is the new Nasi Goreng USA

What the hell? lol. Anyways. Malaysians have the sweetest lips and tongues in the world. Figuratively, I mean. Bhahaha. So, you wanna blend yourself in the crowd? Equip yourself with a bible of pickup lines. That, my friend, is your ultimate weapon in your arsenal to blowtorch and melt the hearts of gadis2 hakak2 hadek2 mak2 anywhere in Malaysia.

Really. Who doesn’t like sugarcoated words and phrases and sentences which arguably yet technically meant to shower your heart with cotton-like softness petals of sweet edible flowers? Okay too much. Well I don’t. Lol. But really, Malaysians nowadays are essentially frantically going bananas on firing pickup lines. Be bombarding them, or passing the baton, or tossing the boomerang… words uttered are the key to open up possibilities longed for whatever reasons. Don’t ask me. I only know this one show called “Whose Line is it Anyway” je. Yeah I’m old like that. hahaha.

Make viral first, consequences don’t matter. Luls

Malaysians once recorded among the top users of social media platforms. Once ke? Rasa macam still lagi. Ekeke. They have one trait in common. The culture of “share first, sorry later”. Or rather “share fast! sorry? never.” Baaammmm. xD

To be a great Malaysian you must put aside your malu, store it in a tin Milo, wrap it tight in kain or plastic, and bury it in the middle of a jungle, Taman Negara Pahang for example. Shame? Shy? No such vocab in great Malaysians’ dictionary. We seek attention at our best. Makan paling banyak ke, climbed the highest billboard ke, operating a crane without anyone’s consent ke, planking on a motorcycle while speeding at 130 kmph ke… whatever lah. All must be recorded. Video, baby. Must upload it. Share it. Like it. Comment. Bash. Debate. Spectate. Speculate. Make parody. All in the name of a desired fame.

If you see a house on fire, you must quickly take your phone out! Before you dial or call for help, you must take photos of the inferno. Selfie with the burning house as background is highly recommended. Record it for a minute or two as memorabilia. Post them on your instagram, facebook, twitter. Wait for people to like and comment. Attend their questions and respond as quickly as possible. You don’t want people to wait for your reply right? The house is already on fire. What to do. Other people there also taking pictures of themselves with the collapsing house as a scenic background. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity maaa… where got people bakar rumah hari-hari, right? Okay, then only you call the authorities. Em em…


Haters and supporters are life

Great Malaysians can be great trend setters, great followers, great supporters, and great haters at the miraculously same time. How people divide themselves into groups and clans, I have no idea. But yeah. Bobo, Coco, Sajat, hiphop-ers vs ravers vs k-popers, budak pavi budak klcc budak LRT budak MRT… eh so many lah cults in Malaysia nih. Can everyday feature kat #motifviral. eh

One thing for sure, you have to choose your side. You know like Anaki- sorry, Darth Vader offering Luke Skywalker to join the dark side? Yeah. to be or not to be. If you like to go with the flow, just support whatever most great Malaysians are bashing and arguing on/about day and night, inside out. You wanna stand out and make your own cult or something like magneting the spotlight onto yourself? You can go against the crowd. If you are the kind who prefer to gossiping je, I suggest you grab your popcorn and futon. It’s gonna be a looooonnngg day. hahaha. May the odds be ever in your favour, dear raver. eh? Ekeke

So, how’s it? Ada kena one? Triggered much? Kalau ada, then you’re on your way… you’re on the righteous path… on becoming… another .. great . Malaysian.



Aloo kawan.. don’t take things so seriously lah. Read the maksud tersirat as well. Heee. Have a nice day!


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