Live and Learn, Any Day Given

are your friends really your friends


I believe that we have all had experienced friendship breakups and it’s unfortunate that most of the time, we all have to get burnt before we can spot a bad friend from a good one. Breakups are not limited to romantic relationships (everyone knows that) but it can also pertain to friendships as well.

I have pooled together my own experiences and come up with 15 the most common signs that somebody isn’t your friend for the right reasons. If any of them apply to your friendships, I would encourage you to think twice about them and try to determine whether they really a friend~


  • They only call when they want something

    All friendships should be equal – which means that you should receive as much as you put in, it’s all based on mutuality. If you’re putting in more than you’re getting out, you should think twice about what they are asking from you.

  • The conversation is never equal

    Do you find that you just spend your whole time focused on them when you’re hanging out? Like you are the only person who cares a lot about them. Yeah that’s not cool – we all have problems and things we’d like to talk to somebody about.

  • They put you down or make fun of you in front of others

    A definite no-no. Usually, people do this because they feel bad about themselves and want to use somebody else as a distraction. Draw a line over any friendships like this immediately.

  • You feel bad about yourself when you’ve spent time with them

    Sometimes it’s difficult to analyse behaviour, but your emotions never lie. Friends should make you feel good, empowered and uplifted. If you leave them feeling like crap then you should probably re-evaluate the benefit you’re getting from the friendship. Some people, unfortunately, just like to bring others down.

  • They are aggressively competitive

    It’s good to be a little competitive now and again, but like most things – you can have too much of a good thing. A friendship based on competitive behaviour is NEVER healthy or a true friendship.

  • They aren’t happy for you when good things happen

    This is one of the most common signs and it’s also based on competitive behaviour. A true friend will want to see you succeed and be happy.

  • They bring drama into your life

    It’s usually the people who spend their time moaning about drama who are the ones causing it. You don’t need that negativity around you.

  • They bitch about you behind your back

    An absolute no-no. Friendships need to be based on mutual respect and trust. Don’t put up with that crap.

  • Your relationship feels like it’s built on conditionality

    This is likewise for all relationships in your life. You should feel like they are unconditional and not based on you being or acting in a certain way.

  • They bail on you

    Sometimes it happens and that’s fine, but if it’s consistent then it obviously shows that your friend is unreliable and much less invested in the friendship than you are. Maybe it’s your turn to bail on them, permanently.

  • They use your secrets against you and share them

    This is malicious and absolutely nothing a true friend would ever do.

  • They are a bad influence and make you do things that get you into trouble

    Nip this in the bud before you end up getting yourself into trouble. Friends don’t make friends do bad things.

  • They talk about their other friends behind their back

    If they do this, the chances are, they do it to you too. It’s fine to have a moan occasionally, but anything malicious would probably indicate that they aren’t as genuine as they’d like you to believe.

  • They bail when you need them the most

    So there are friends, who are, well… friends and there are friends who are still your friends at 1.15am on a Wednesday morning in the midst of your breakdown. The latter are your friends for life and it’s important to know that you can rely on a few select individuals to be by your side through thick and thin.

  • They exclude you from things with mutual friends

    This is outright b****y. If it’s on purpose and repetitive, despite you bringing it up then I’d suggest you created some distance. Sometimes it can happen accidentally without motive.


When you try to settle issues with your friends, make sure your response is rational. If it’s not, you need to mentally move on. You have 1 of 2 options:

Let the friendship naturally fade out

Stop making arrangements, stop replying and distance yourself from them. Eventually, you’ll become increasingly distant until you’re officially no longer friends. Or,

Confront them

Confrontation can be good if you’d like to hopefully try to resolve things, but on the opposite end, confrontation can be incredibly empowering if you’ve felt particularly pressured or upset by your friends. Arguments can be healthy, provided that they don’t put anybody at risk and won’t make situations worse.



The three big things you should look for in a friend are honesty, loyalty, and respect. That cannot be obtained right away, but over a period of time. The aspects that friendships have should be both valuable and meaningful. Remember to know your limit and don’t do things for others that won’t do the same for you. Both people should feel mutual about one another and if they don’t, obviously there not a good friend.

I would rather have one that I can trust than have a million friends who are not true to me. True friends in life will be there for you through thick and thin, through heaven and hell, the good and the bad. ^^


2 thoughts on “are your friends really your friends”

  • I have a friend. She talks behind me and says I am a fake friend but we still can talk and laugh like nothing happen. Is she a fake or true friend?

    • hey. thanks for reading. sorry to hear that. but, in my humble opinion, this friend of yours is quite weird. see, she is the one who talks behind your back and she calls you a fake friend. i am not really good at giving advices but, i think, obviously she isn’t a good friend to be close with. like i said, either you confront her, or slowly distance yourself. i believe there are many more nice people you can be friends with. take care! 🤗🤗🤗

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