Durian and Whatnot (WARNING – Disturbing Graphics)
So it’s durian season! Again. I think it’s the first season kot for this year. I love durian. As in the fruit. Why do I have to mention ‘as in fruit’ ?? Because as much as I like to eat the king of fruit (so they claim – which I think just because of the thorny exteriors that durians have which somehow associated with pointy crowns that we often see in comics and cartoons. lol I don’t know, don’t hate me ^^”) I cannot really tolerate durian in other form.
Durian Du Du Du…
What are the other forms? We shall see. Warning, you might kerut-kerut muka, dahi while reading these fun facts I brought to your knowledge. ekeke
1 . Tempoyak
Dude! Why must you
fertilize ferment those lovely fruit?? Urrghh… Tempoyak is a big no-no for me. I’m sorry. Despite the years I spent growing up in northern region of Peninsular – not to mention the State of Silver itself; the motherland of tempoyak – by far I can never tolerate any tempoyak. I mean… come on! Tempoyak is… not yummy! How could people make a smelly paste out of the fruit and then eat it!? And you people put tempoyak in gulai? masak lemak?? T_____T RIP gulai lemak ikan best2…
For those who wants to read more about tempoyak and relatable stuff, you can read this story about a Mat Salleh and his tempoyak crave
2. Sambal belacan + durian
Durian is nice. Sambal belacan is nice. But you know, sometimes two nice things (especially in this case) combined won’t always result a better outcome? ESPECIALLY when you wed durian/tempoyak and sambal together. That’s, ladies and gentlemen, practically my appetite killer.
I love sambal belacan. The spicier the better! More sambal means more rice intake. Haha. But! If you happen to mix sambal belacan with durian flesh… . . instead of vomiting into the pinggan right away I would rather say I’m full and go wash my hands, clean everything then walk away – just to avoid unwanted and unwelcome vomit in a form of chain reaction.
3. Pengat or Serawa
You know there’s a thing called “lempok” ? Yah that’s how we spell it. No, it’s not a combination of ‘lempang’ and ‘hempok’ .. it’s actually something that looks like dodol, but durian. Pure flesh, cooked in a kawah or cauldron or a giant wok. Yes, this I can proudly claim as the Perak thing. And I think this lempok thing is on a brink of extinction… ye la, the fruit is hyper expensive nowadays, bro… and lempok is something that requires half a lorry of them or something…. nobody can afford that amount of king of fruit in this current economy liao~
Pengat durian, however, is something like pengat pisang. The hell is pengat pisang in English? I will never translate that. Let pengat be pengat. Like rendang is rendang – no crispy chicken in chicken rendang forever. Duh.
Anyways. Pengat durian is not edible to me. Pengat pisang is so-so la…. but pengat durian? Err… I shall pass. Next!
4. Durian crepe
As mushy as it looks, I don’t think I’ll be liking durian crepe anytime soon. Practically it’s just some small chunk of durian flesh, mixed with fresh or whipped cream, to become the filling of a thin layer of artificially coloured dough… which to me they sound and look like more of a creepy thingy. I don’t know. The worst part is, the durian flesh is not fresh! It’s frozen, baby. Urghh… talk about false hope!
5. Kopi / Milo / Nescafe / Teh + Durian + Cheese
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?? FOR GOD’S SAKE DON’T SIMPLY CHEESE THINGS LAA ESPECIALLY THIS KING OF FRUIT YOU CLUELESS EXTRACREATIVE HIPSTERS GAHHH I’M SO DONE I’M OUTTA HERE!!!