my biggest fear in life
Last 2 weekends, my family and I went to watch Goosebumps 2 at the cinema. It was a family fun show, because it is a wholesome combination of horror and comedy, although I felt that it was not as scary as the prequel, but it is still worth watching for families this Halloween.
There is this one important character in the movie named Sarah, a high school teenager who currently applying for college and she was writing an essay in her laptop about a time when she overcame her fears.
Right then it got me thinking that hey, I am sure everyone will have fears in their lives. Fear is an emotion that holds you back, a feeling you have when you think that you are in danger, insecure or pain. Or in other word, phobia.
What is my biggest fear in life?
Like most people, I do have it but I possibly don’t dig deeply into it too often, because who wants to be confronted by what we fear most, right?
I don’t want to be reminded about my fear but somehow after watching the movie, I decided that it’s possibly not the worse idea to confront it head on and by doing that, share it on this blog.
After a bit of soul searching, this is what I came up with:
I fear of being alone.
No, it is not being physically alone as in staying alone in the house and those kind of things, but actually I fear of being ignored and unloved. It is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected, alienated from other people, especially from the people who you love and care the most. This feeling can actually lead me to feel anxious and depressed. And I hate that I’m afraid of being alone.
I am sure that there will be time when you guys will do/act stupid things that sometimes might hurt your parents feeling. Well recently, I have said something to my mother that made her cried 🙁 It was not my intention to actually hurt her, but sometimes we do say things out of anger and then later we regret it. And even though we have asked for forgiveness, we still feel guilty for the sin. Hmmm.
So my mother was not in her good mood for few days. She didn’t talk to me, and she acted differently because I knew that she was hurt and very disappointed with my behaviour. We were like best friends forever all this while, and when she started acting differently, this is when my fear checked in.
I talk to her everyday even though she never reply me back, I wrote her an apology letter, I did everything just to get her attention back and to show how guilty I was to make her sad. Plus honestly, I was really scared of being isolated by her 🙁 I wanted to share many things with her, like what happened in school, how are my feelings that day, but I don’t have her to share my stories with. And that feeling really scares me off. I was really scared of being abandoned. I just don’t know how to describe it well. But when you have someone who always by your side, and always listen to you, and when the person is no longer there with you, you will feel lost. And I was really depressed by the whole situation.
Anyway we are cool now. Because a mother is a mother still, a woman with big heart and always a forgiver towards their children. I have learnt a lot and definitely will not repeat my mistake ever again. At least by being more cautious, it will help me to overcome my fear.
Phewh, imagine how I relate my story by first writing about the movie, and then the biggest fear that I have and then about my fight with my mom. But I hope it does make sense though. ehe.
Oh by the way, Deepavali is coming soon in just a few days, so I am wishing Happy Deepavali to everyone celebrating the festival of lights and Happy Holiday to all! ^~^